i can't stand having a chinese-speaking ( or so called cheena ) girlfriend anymore. after much thought and discussion, i realised that i probably communicate so much better with someone who's more towards the english-speaking crowd.

no offence! i'm not a language-ist or whatever you wanna call me, but well, through experience thats what i think... i won't say that my english is good, in fact hor.... i still is chinese mah... but then again, well, i'm just more comfortable speaking english. i mean, i think in english if know what i mean... and it does get tiring when sometimes that special someone doesn't even get your jokes...

well, i guess the worst case senario would be getting involved with some ah lian who tends to tYpE lIkE thAt, says english so broken that the pieces are so small you can't pick them up, worships techno, dresses in fake von dutch t-shirts, and go around saying things like "My stead hor! he veli wat one leh.."

oh well....

oh, did i mention that i'm not working for sitex anymore? got a call from adecco today, and well, i'm no longer working as they already have enough people for the job. really sad, coz there goes my cash and my excuse to spend my time being busy... well, nothing i can do now... sigh....

I'm sad in a profound way. I don't know, its kinda like a fushion of melancholy and a somewhat cynic form of happiness. I'll probably laugh, and in the same time feel tears flowing..

Its really upsetting, when you realise you really like someone, can't seem to find a reason why, and then finding out its entirely impossible between the both of you. Top it off with the fact that she treats you really nice, but only as a friend.

I really feel like laughing at myself now, for being such an idiot, for trying when I know deep down inside that it's no longer possible. When I ask you about the type of guys you'd like and find out in dismay that I'm no where near what you're looking for, when I hear you say in such an off hand manner that we're can't possibly be together, I really am torn apart.

But being me, the shield called humoris held in front of me yet again, and I lead you to believe I'm not as affected as I truely am..

I swear I think in an inconsistent and abnormal way... If the way i think can be compared to someone staring at a map of Singapore, I'd be staring at Jurong for one second, then jumping to Toa Payoh next, without any pattern at all... And i swear i word my thoughts like someone writting an autobiography... no idea why...

Was on my way back from malaysia when i passed by a petrol kiosk called Petronus, and it kinda struck me as funny as i imagined all those Dementors floating around the kiosk... nevermind, don't think anyone would've gotten that.... oh well.

well, i'm glad to be back in singapore again, after 3 days of super slow service, lack of company, freezing weather and people who only understand mainly cantonese or malay... well, enjoyed my own company for the past 3 days although the highlight of my trip was probably the delicious cheesecake from coffee bean that tastes the same as in Singapore (jess, you can stop drooling now, if u see this...) yeah, been pretty sad i'd say...

oh ya... did anyone ever realised that malaysians can't dance for nuts? or is it just the genting air? the guys dance as though their arms have a mind of their own, dress slightly worse then the kinda ah bengs who's entire wardrobe consist of cheap queensway clothes. (yeah the tight shirts with mis-spelled Jean Paul Gauthier lables.) well, the women ain't much better, but then i couldn't bear to look at them anyways... it seems as though the whole of genting was dominated by techno lovers as well.... tsk... if i'm not wrong, they only have limited RnB tracks, or i wouldn't have heard all those familiar songs twice in a night in exactly the same sequence...

well, i'm going to start work on friday, working at expo for the weekend, haha... anyone free can come look me up at the starhub booth at the sytex roadshow.... better start earning some cash before christmas.... before people start flooding me with requests about buying them xmas presents, i've gotta say i'm not that rich to buy everyone presents! so stop bugging me!!

Genting, Day 01

the ride up on a coach is pretty scary if u ask me.... the driver looks really unstable, and the road shoulder was staring in my face.... i'm suprised i'm even alive.... oh well.... the past few hours since i've arrived has been really boring, and i can't say i'm looking forward to tomorrow.... well, at least i know i'm gonna get fat... oh dear, as i'm typing this, some girl outside on a stage has just started singing Avril Lavigne's Complicated... sounds really wrong, can't even hear her lyrics.... oh well, part and parcel of travelling without good companions...

one thing's for sure, i'm probably gonna get fat, i get hungry when i'm bored..... and i've been laden with cash by the parents ;)

Leaving~ on a jet pl.. coach??!?

i'm leaving singapore for good. going to stay in Genting and turn into an ugly malaysian.. yay! oh well, will be away for 3 days, stoning alone without any interesting company for that long a time will probably kill me, thank god i bought some books along with me... the theme park ain't interesting, not without company, but i guess the fresh air would be good....

been eons since i last blogged, and well, nothing interesting has happened for the past few days... really glad to say that the first phrase of my starhub door to door has come to an end, but before i can really relax i think school's probably gonna start... this trip would probably do me good i guess, life has been rather hectic and stifling recently, and a holiday away from singapore, disconnected from my world, would probably prepare me for an even more busy year ahead... well, there'll be people i miss sorely, although i guess i already am starting to miss even when i'm in singapore, and to think we're so near to each other geographically... oh well... don't know what i'm doing some times....

i'm really looking forward to my class chalet the week after next as well.... it'll probably be really interesting in more then one ways, and i guess we'll draw closer as a class too... it'll be good, besides, my class is full of people who'd never wanna miss out of the fun...

christmas is coming soon too! but can't really say i'm looking forward to it.... christmas has always been a sad holiday to me... i swear its a curse, that i'll always be lonely on christmas....

Cheeky Monkeys - Half Filled Jugs and Banglah Music...

No offence to my indian friends... but wats with people wanting to dance to banglah music... Had an impropt clubbing session with grace and gang after we were supposed to meet up for a chill out session at Wisma's Indo Chines... unfortunately it was too packed for us to find a seat... had the urge to go club tonight, check out some eye candies, and to "let my hair down", so to speak... zouk was apparently super crowded so ended up at Cheeky's... didn't have a good impression of the place at first, but was hoping it would be a nice place... went in, first thing i noticed was the music... geez... can't stand it lah... but well it got better as the night went on... then i got a chachat half-filled glass of bourbon, and later on a jug of screwdriver that had excessive ice... oh well.... nicest point of the night was pushing pingos and pammy up on the platform... haha, everyone around was getting high seeing them dance i swear! especially this indian dude who was "really friendly"... no comments bout that! oh well, give me CB or Zouk any night! :D

i guess it's really high time i blogged.... nothing interesting has been happening lately as i've been working, well except what you can expect from doing door-to-door sales.... rude bitches who slams the door on you, actual dogs that scared the living daylights out of Jian Ning, children who were taught to lie to salespeople at the door (but they're quite funny sometimes when they look guilty) kinda sums up the past 3 days... oh, and the fact that i have the big O, not the one you have in mind though, but the fact that i have zero sales for the past 4 days. the tactics we've resorted to using is a fine line away from begging(i'm not above flirting with aunties anymore, pride is going down the drain), but well, desperation does funny things to people...

i'm bored! and relatively broke ever since i've guilt-tripped myself into poverty. and theres so many people i haven't met up in ages! dear ol' twin gracie and her baby, the ymca people, gloria, pauline, jem and the liangzhu peeps... shall try to meet up everyone some day soon.... good thing the liangzhu bbq is coming up soon....

hmmm, i was just mentioning to jac the other day that sometimes, you tend to make better friends when you're not in the same class, or say working together? work tends to make people feel vexed don't you think? oh well....