The old ones are the best..... Part 2

- drafted 27 Feb 05 / published 24 Oct 09-

call me stubborn, naive, dUMb or whatever you want, but i still think that my shield of indifference would work. that me actively trying to feel dispassionate about her life, her woes, would keep me from ever repeating what i feel is one of the biggest mistakes of my life. one that i would helplessly make over and over again if i ever allow myself. so i'm not gonna be friends with her, things are never gonna be "ok". deep down i know the indifference is just a charade, but constantly keeping that up is still simpler then the complications that would occur if i ever fall for her again. sure, i miss her. the voice that i love hearing, especially the laughter. the hugs. the whining. the silly little gifts. its tempting, really, but i'm just too afraid, cos i know i'll never ever be satisfied being just friends with her.

if there ever was true love, i guess that's the closest i'll ever get to it.

the girl who was the turning point of my life.
the girl who made me want to pick up the piano, so that i could play her favorite song at the time.
the girl who made me want to be less quiet.
the girl whom i'll willingly save soggy fries for.
the girl whom i'll rush down to meet, even at 3 am in the morning
the girl who made me first experience the expression of "heart melting"
the girl who contributed to the most heart wrenching moment of my life
the girl whom i've baked brownies for
the girl whom i've wrote a song for
the girl named felicia.

yue yun ah... i know how it is... you'll never ever feel that way for me...

oh well. thats life....

i'm happy with life now anyways...

The old ones are the best.....

Sick Cycle Carousel.

publishing something that's two years old is somewhat refreshing, so here goes:

Kevin, the unseen collection.

-drafted 1st may 07 / published 24 Oct 09-

And I don't want the world to see me, cos I don't think that they'd understand..
When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am.

Same old mistakes. Ones I've committed not once, not twice. Nicolas Cage chose to fall for the person he loved. I didn't have a choice, I fell helplessly, yet again.

I hate it when it happens. Every single time. But i can't help it. I can't distant myself from you. I can't keep away. I can't help feel the whole world revolves around you. Or that I want to be part of your everyday life.

I can't lie to myself saying we're just going to be friends. I can't be selfless and say I'll be happy just to see you happy. Not anymore. Which is why I'm running once more. Cos I know you better then you know yourself. And I know exactly what you feel for me. How I'll forever be a friend. How, with your character, even if you do really see this, you'll never ever talk about it. Do you even know that I can tell when your smile's too hard to be real? I ever wished we could have a heart to heart talk. So that one day we could talk, without beating around the bush. So that I can finally make you acknowledge my feelings for you, make you understand how deep they run.

I don't care if the whole world finds out anymore. I'm tired. Tired of acting alright , of standing there watching and letting you hurt yourself. Tired of you disappearing. Tired of not being able to say what I feel. Tired of not being able to say the simplest I Love You, for fear of you running away yet again. So here it is. See it if you can. Or let it just be random rambling if you choose to.


To everyone else, pardon me yet again.

The world at large might not have noticed your passing.
But every one of us that was there today will carry with us a part of you.
Fond memories of good times, bitter sweet ones of the bad.

Life is unfair. For how could it have been time for you to go?
But leave it to us to carry on.
To fulfill those dreams we shared.

Wait for me at the finish line bro, I'll get there some day.
Perhaps we could sit down and share a smoke and a beer again then.

R.I.P. Melvin.

Wasted. Stoned. Drunk.


A few words I'd use to describe the weekend just over.


Never again. Its not fun to be irresponsible.

why bother what other people say about other people?

Since the beginning of History, people have forgotten to enjoy the here and now, but instead worrying about the past, and being afraid of the future.



Why?

I was on a cab on the way out yesterday, and this stupid song came up on my iPod.. 1 word.. Chui..



yeah, he ain't heavy.

i twisted my ankle. now it fits with my twisted view on the world.